By Elizabeth Johnson-Wilson
Yes, I said it. Louboutins are the absolute worst. Those storied fixtures on catwalks and symbols of decadent luxury are nothing more than obscene veneers on the scum of society, propelling the world into a dark void of sartorial suicide. How so, you ask? Why? Well, let me tell you…
First, the despicable red sole… Red is the color on the color wheel with the highest visibility, making Louboutin shoes cheap attention seekers. Red is also used to evoke eroticism; these “red-bottoms” don’t do any favors for their wearers. Red also indicates danger (i.e. um, men, danger, danger, gonorrhea here). The shoes even prove themselves as a dangerously poor fashion choice. Furthermore, red symbolizes wrath, longing and malice, none of which are pretty on a proper lady.
Louboutins have also morphed into a sordid status symbol. They basically are shoes that just ostentatiously assert your wealth. I mean, seriously, do you really need to flaunt your success in such a garish way? These shoes are a fascist symbol of the repugnant one percent, instigating and perpetuating a cycle of monstrous wealth disparity and perpetual war on the poor. The brand reinstates and propagates gratuitous displays of conspicuous consumption: you are no better than the pigs who adorned ancient thrones, chopping heads, having homosexual orgies, stoning saints, and burning innocent, GOD-fearing young women warriors alive at the stake.
So, stop wearing and idolizing your Louboutins. In fact, burn them en masse! We can’t let these parasites keep dictating the decline of fashion.
Elizabeth Johnson-Wilson, on behalf of the entire Fashion and Retail Society
Oh, and happy April Fools’! 🙂